which leaves one bored leesha.
You would think I would have like a thousand things I would want to do but I am in a state of complete boredom right now.
So, I went through my pictures and started with the pictures of Milo in the NICU and progressed through his life as he has gotten bigger and more entertaining. The first picture I have is this one.
Don't even get me going on all of those machines and wires. I get teary-eyed every time I look at this picture or even think about him or any baby being in the NICU.
This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do as a person, but especially as a mother. Looking at this picture brings back all of the feelings I experienced including guilt and anger at myself. I always told myself I could have done something differently that could have prevented him from coming early.
I cried myself to sleep every night.
And any moment a nurse wasn't looking at me.
And every time I had to leave Milo at the hospital, even just to eat something.
I can't help but be overwhelmed when I think of this picture and this time in my life.
But... I am who I am today because of the crucial experiences I had while mothering my "layaway baby."
(I called him that because I felt like he was my Christmas present but I couldn't take him home, so he was my layaway baby.)
Whenever I become overwhelmed with the bittersweet times in the NICU, all I have to do is see him today and how big and beautiful and strong he has become and my sorrows are lifted, my faith is restored, and my hope returned.
How marvelous and mysterious the Lord can be at times.
Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
Mosiah 14:4
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