You try so hard to have the beautifully organized and decorated home as seen on HGTV and Pinterest, but most days there's a weird smell when you walk in the door. You mean dishes don't do themselves after you slave over 3 meals every day? Rude.
Or maybe you commit a super sin and compare. You compare everything: your kids, your house, your meal decisions, your wardrobe, your significant other, and even yourself. Here are some questions I may have asked myself at one point or another:
Why can't my house ever look like my "Organized" pinterest board? Better yet, why is there always crap all over my house ALL the time?
Why can't my love life be more like a chick flick?
Why do my kids torture me in public?
Why can't I lose weight without drinking so much #*@$ water? I hate water!
How can she possibly have time to look that perfect with a toddler?
Will I ever lose weight? Or will I be fat forever?
Why do I suck at FHE and everything else church related?
Ok I should probably stop with the honesty, it's getting embarrassing.
You get the point! I really hope I'm not the only one that is so brutal to themselves.
I do have a point to this brutality and that leads me to my one and only New Years resolution this year.
Be content.
-Be content with what your house looks like, yes even right NOW! Wanna see mine?
Your argument is invalid, unless it looks like this. If it does, let's be friends!
-Be content with what your body looks like, yes right NOW! And no I'm not gonna show you mine. There will always be a mom that looks like she has it all put together, but by assuming her life is perfect is not only judgmental, but it's unfair to both that mom and to all moms. She could be fighting serious battles that just happen to not include her fabulous fashion sense or physical fitness. Or maybe they do! We don't know unless we know her personally. Cut the girl some slack and give yourself some while you're at it!
-Be content with what you have/don't have. Yes there is probably some sort of gadget that I could lust after for days, but all that does is make me ungrateful and selfish. Wouldn't our time be better spent focusing on more important things. I can think of quite a few things that are exponentially more important than gadgets and gizmos. It's ok to have slightly less than state-of-the-art electronics or cars. We are all in different places in life and we can't compare our beginning to someone else's middle.
-Be content with your love life. Don't set your husband up for failure by comparing him to unrealistic characters in chick flicks or romance novels. Besides, chances are he had some serious game by getting you to fall in love with him in the first place! Remember that next time you fantasize about a make out session in the rain on a boat dock or in a meadow somewhere. Do we really want all the drama and heartache that goes into all of those chick flicks anyway? Our love is enough. In fact it's probably more than enough. Love isn't Jumbotron proposals or viral youtube videos all the time. Love is the tiniest peck of a kiss on the way out the door and the smile on your faces when you see each other after a long day or working or staying home with the kids. Love is sending a little text telling each other you appreciate all they do for you. With this resolution of mine, I have noticed a huge difference in my marriage. Not because my husband all of a sudden became a PDA/hopeless romantic type, but because I changed my ridiculous fantasies of movies and books and appreciated him for what he is: the man I chose to spend forever with.
-Be content with your kids. It's ok if your baby isn't walking at 18 months, when every single one of your Facebook friends' babies walked 3 months ago. It's ok if you didn't breastfeed your babies and you fed them formula their whole baby life. Gasp! It's ok if your child isn't reaching developmental milestones before other kids their age. Don't fall into the trap of wondering and worrying about all of the things you think you did wrong or things you would have done differently to hopefully change an outcome. Love them exactly as they are, with ketchup all over their face and all. More often than not, my kids have some sort of dried food or liquid on their clothes. So many blogs and websites offer endless advice on parenting and I, like so many other moms, find myself gobbling it up. Why do we do this? Because we are all probably a little bit insecure with how we are doing as moms. Something that I think we all need to hear is that we are the best person for this crazy rewarding job. NO other mother is more fit for your child(ren) than you are. WE are the ones that know them best. WE are the ones that worry over every little detail of their lives because we have the deepest desire to help them succeed leaps and bounds beyond whatever we have done in our own lives. WE are the ones that love them the most. WE are enough. WE are amazing. WE need to know that and believe it.
-Be content with your spirituality. Whatever your religious/spiritual beliefs, the most important thing is to be content with where you are. I constantly find myself comparing to people in my ward/neighborhood.
So many assumptions can be, and sadly are, made about the people of the church:
*The relief society president (or anyone in a presidency calling) must be the most spiritually elite of the ward and therefore incapable of mistakes or trials like the rest of us.
Did it ever occur to any of us that someone in these callings needed to be put there for the challenges and experience that is sure to come from holding these positions? They could be in a place in their life where they need to be humbled or challenged and their calling is a straight-forward way to help them through it.
*The bishop and all of his family members are like the student body presidents or captains of the football team in the ward world. They must be in the position they are in because they are looked at in a more special way by the stake presidency or even Heavenly Father Himself.
Not true. Heavenly Father loves us all equally. Let that soak in. You and I are loved just as much as President Monson. No calling is more important or more favored in Heavenly Father's eyes. He rejoices in our success and longs for our return when we stray, no matter what position we hold in the church.
*Nursery teachers are those "inactive" people that need the calling to insure they come to church for more than just sacrament meeting.
If I went to church often enough to be entrusted with a calling, I'm sure we would totally be those people, which is totally fine btw. Those kids are adorable. These kind of assumptions are just plain rude and would be devastating if heard by any of those people. That's probably a good indicator that it shouldn't be said or thought of, ever.
*People that don't go to church very often are considered "inactive" and must not be going to church because they stay home and drink booze on Sundays (maybe) or just aren't interested in the church at all anymore.
I'm considered "inactive" in the eyes of the relief society, my visiting teachers, and anyone else in the ward that knows I exist. I hate that term because it suggests that church attendance determines a person's spirituality or personal relationship with Christ. Thank goodness I have amazing visiting teachers that come visit me and treat me like another sister in the ward, and not a charity case inactive sister. Do me and you and everyone a favor and throw that term out the window and if you must assume, make someone's story a beautiful one. Assume that people aren't at church because maybe their spouse has to work or their kids are sick. Assume that if someone consistently misses church, that they still say morning prayers with their spouse and has the spirit of Christ in their home always. Even if it's not true, compassion will win.
I made the resolution to be content because I have a lot of work to do. I'm nowhere near average, let alone perfect, at being content in every aspect of my life, but giving myself permission to be ok with where I am right now has been very liberating. Here's to a work in progress.
-Alecia
I love this! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you! This was exactly what I needed. Beautifully written with a perfect message. I truly appreciate you taking the time to write this. :)
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